Big Girl Panties

I think it’s time to grow up. Move on. Look for something more. Time to put on my big girl panties, & start looking for something more. Something full time. I have no idea why the thought of that scares me so much. I mean, right up until this year, I’ve been working two part time jobs, usually equaling between 60 & 70 hours a week. So why does one full time position scare me so much? Probably because it closes the college door that I wanted to leave open. Working full time means that I would have a harder time fitting college classes in. But lets face it. Was I really going back? Not without healthcare I’m not. Does a part time position offer healthcare? No it doesn’t. I’ve pondered this many times, & its a never ending cycle. On top of that, how many college graduates are out there, working the part time jobs because they’re having a hard time finding work in their field? So I’m expected to go to college, to still be working at the same place I’m working once I’m finished school, still have no benefits, & now I have ridiculous loans that I have to pay back that I can’t afford because I can’t get a job in the field that I want. Such a touchy subject to me. On top of the fact that I don’t have any clue what I would go back to school for anyways. I feel like it would be a giant waste of time & money, just like it was the first time. So then what am I waiting for in order to get that full time position? It’s been a never ending battle in my head for going on three years now. I just want to live.


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